February was Samantha’s favourite month. It had 3 awesome days; her birthday, Family Day, and of course Valentine’s Day - it was a trifecta of love! But this year is different. Three months ago, after 28 years of marriage, her life came crumbling down when she found out her husband was having an affair with a family friend. The betrayal, hurt, and outrage overtook every ounce of her being. She felt consumed with grief, she spun out of control going from uncontrollable tears to utter outrage. Everything felt excruciating her heart throbbed, breathing was difficult, and her fear and anxiety were through the roof. She barely made it through Christmas...
Now only 3 months later, she has gone from feeling at her lowest to now feeling more empowered than she has felt in years. She is now able look in the mirror (she was unable to do this in her marriage), she is beginning to respect herself newly, she feels calmer and more in control of her life and so do her children.
But now, confronting February head-on felt too scary – she’s afraid this month will set her back.
So, we made a plan!
One of the things Samantha is now practicing are healing actions. She is beginning to do things that support her and honour her through her healing process. Ending her marriage has been the most devastating thing she could ever imagine; and yet, in this process she is beginning to find herself again – and this excites her.
Going back to the basics. One of the 1st things Samatha learned was her Divorce Healing Blueprint This was a weekend course that provided her with the powerful 1st Steps to begin moving forward.
One of the steps in the course was to go to Gary Chapman’s website and complete the 5 Love Languages quiz. Once she completed the quiz, she was clear on her love language, which is key! When you know your love language and understand how you want to receive love, it becomes a game changer in your divorce recovery.
Understanding the way that you want to receive love is so powerful, because now (perhaps for the first time in your life) you can ensure you receive love the way you want it. It's up to you to ensure you are feeding your Love Language. Imagine, you can celebrate Valentine’s Day, Family Day, and perhaps even your birthday (like Samantha) in the best way you can. The mistake we all often make is that we hope others will know exactly what to do to create the perfect day for us. We hope that they will do it right - and let’s face it, they too often fail. And sadly, you didn't even know what you wanted but you were hoping your ex would figure it out. Now you can do it for yourself - that is powerful!
Knowing your Love Language is a game-changer because now depending on your love language you can choose specific healing actions that are best aligned with the way you receive love.
Here are some examples of things you might want to do depending on your love language.
Physical Touch: Book a massage, ask for lots of hugs from friends and family, have a luxurious bath, apply a lovely moisturizer, get a pedicure or cuddle your pet.
Words of Affirmation: Write yourself a love letter, listen to inspiring music, watch a movie that is uplifting, create inspiring quotes and post them throughout your home or spend time with people who are supportive and inspiring or make you laugh.
Acts of Service: Ask others for something you would like, provide yourself with a gift of doing a task or errand that feels good, paint a room, clean your bedroom or kitchen, vacuum, or go grocery shopping (even the simple things can be a wonderful support, from self to self), cook a special meal for yourself or order in (either can be an act of service).
Gifts: Buy yourself flowers, or a special gift you would like, let others know what gift you would like. If you have young children, allow them to buy you a gift; perhaps do some online shopping together, or have them make you something).
Quality Time: Reach out to people, plan a video call. Create a special celebration with yourself – yes, quality time with yourself is super powerful! Special dinner, candles, music, a great movie, etc.
This is all to say, you can take back control without relying on others or external circumstances. If a holiday is special to you, take back ownership of that holiday! Do not allow someone else’s bad behaviour or view of you tarnish the very things that are most important to you. Starting off fresh with a holiday allows you to create new rituals that are perfect for you. You can literally redesign a holiday and make it your favourite celebration all over again. You deserve it!
I hope that you enjoyed this article and Happy Valentines Day!
Check out duartecoaching.com to learn more about the Divorce Healing Blueprint Course and my Divorce Recovery Coaching services.